What Nobody Tells You about Living Alone in a Foreign Country

I am writing a blog post after 2 years, that's only because I have a lot of things to say and not a lending ear in sight to hear these. So I decided to pour my thoughts on this post. I have been living in Ireland since 2017. I have had my share of ups and downs. But off late the lows have been predominant.

So I decided to analyse the "why" behind the struggles. I decided to make a list. And turns out that the list has some really cliched reasons. But maybe that's why they're cliched. Because they're so common. Living in a foreign country is a dream of many, and a lot of us work hard to achieve it. But what we are not told of are the struggles behind the picturesque social media posts, or the tears behind the smiles.

Here are top 5 challenges of living alone in a foreign land as per my interaction with fellow expats:

• Family, Matters - When you're close with your family, not a second goes by when you don't miss them living alone. You miss your mom's affection, your dad's wisdom, your sibling's rivalry. The fact that to see your family, you've to plan your holidays, plan your finances for the hefty flight ticket back home, and wait for roughly a year to visit your homeland really wrecks havoc in your mind sometimes.
  

• You'll never be "home" again - one of the most common expat issues is the fact that once you leave your country and set up your base in some other country, you start living a half life. This happens more so when you're on your own. Your home is your home, but when you visit for vacation and holidays, you miss your other "home" as by now you've gotten used to the better lifestyle that the new country offers you. Then you come back to your current base and you start missing your real home, and your family and friends. It's a loop that never ends.
  

• Financial woes - Yes earning in Euros or Pounds sound really snazzy if you come from countries with weaker currency such as India (my homeland). But the extra Euros you earn evaporate into thin air when you start paying your bills, your rent, your food, your mortgages, your responsibilities (sending money back to family, taking care of someone) etc. As you move up in life, your lifestyle changes, and your expenses grow too - no matter how much you try not to. So soon you find yourself sitting in front of an excel sheet, trying to "plan" your finances better. Some people are really good with it. But if you're someone like me, you find yourself sitting in some restaurant the next hour, eating away your woes. Or buying that lipstick you definitely don't need on an impulse.
  

• Evolve, don't lose yourself - Darwin's theory really works overtime when you move out of your comfort zone. You all of a sudden face this new culture, new people, and new ways of the world. If you don't adapt to your surroundings, you feel lost, more lost than usual. Don't confuse this with losing touch with your roots. But I've seen many times, in order to fit in, expats try to blend in so hard, they let go of their roots and cultures. There has to be a balance. You need to get your wings, but you also need to have your roots. I think when it comes to this, I'd like to give a little credit to myself. You'll see me celebrating St. Patrick's Day and Diwali with equal enthusiasm. You need to adapt and evolve. But evolution doesn't mean developing a new persona. Its learning new traits, while holding on to your previous identity.
  

• Know the fine prints - Yes you decided to move out to a new country and you're all packed. But have you done your own research? Do you know about the country's climate? Do you know the housing scenario? Do you know about the food? Do you know about the common language? Do you know about the transport system? Often I hear expats complain about Ireland's climate, or the high rents. I often wonder, did they not know about this before coming here? Moving abroad is a life changing decision, always make sure do your homework before you get on that plane. You will face a lot of changes, but make sure you're prepared for it.

Now, before I end this blog, I'd like to end it on a positive note. I discussed the challenges. Now here are a few tips to overcome these challenges:

• Make new friends, both from your ethnicity, and other communities.

• Call home regularly.

• Keep doing things that remind you of your home - like cooking your favourite dish.

• Use apps like MeetUp to meet people who share your common interests.

• Loneliness makes you stronger, and eventually helps you form your own views of the world.

• Finally, be open to changes, new opportunities, and new adventures.

Until next time,

Roo.